Category Archives: Thriller


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Release Date: December 25, 2004
Runtime: 102 minutes
Rating: R
Studio: Dimension Films (Miramax)
Director: Jaume Balaguero
Cast: Anna Paquin; Lena Olin; Iain Glen; Giancarlo Giannini


Oh boy, is this ever a mess of a movie.  Basically, the story of a young girl and her family who move into a creepy old house in the Spanish countryside.  Weird things start happening.

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Thief of Hearts


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Release Date: October 19, 1984
Runtime: 100 minutes
Rating: R
Studio: Paramount Pictures
Director: Douglas Day Stewart
Cast: Steven Bauer; Barbara Williams; John Getz; David Caruso; George Wendt

The first thing I have to say about this movie is that it’s almost impossible to review this from a 2013 frame of mind, as it is oh-so-dated. I will, however, give it my best shot. Continue reading

Bram Stoker’s Dracula

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Release Date: November 13, 1992
Runtime: 128 minutes
Rating: R
Studio: Columbia Pictures/American Zoetrope
Director: Francis Ford Coppola
Cast: Gary Oldman; Winona Ryder; Anthony Hopkins; Sadie Frost; Richard E. Grant; Tom Waits; Cary Elwes

This is a faaaaaaantastic movie!

Francis Ford Coppola’s opulent 1992 take on the Dracula story is a sumptuous film, oozing with rich colors and eloquent language…a real work of art.  Gary Oldman assumes his place alongside Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee as one of cinema’s most-identifiable Counts. Continue reading


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Release Date: September 9, 2011
Runtime: 106 minutes
Rating: PG-13
Studio: Warner Bros.
Director: Steven Soderbergh
Cast: Matt Damon; Kate Winslet; Jude Law; Marion Cotillard; Gwyneth Paltrow; Laurence Fishburne

“Outbreak” for the new millennium.  Steven Soderbergh’s mysterious virus-that-decimates-the-population movie has a great first hour, when people mysteriously begin coughing and having headaches, but then plateaus in the second half once research and politics begin to take over. Continue reading

The Da Vinci Code

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Release Date: May 19, 2006
Runtime: 149 minutes
Rating: PG-13
Studio: Columbia Pictures (Sony)
Director: Ron Howard
Cast: Tom Hanks; Audrey Tautou; Ian McKellen; Jean Reno; Paul Bettany; Alfred Molina

OK, I read “The Da Vinci Code” a long time ago, so the details of the story are not fresh in my head. I remember it being about Prof. Robert Langdon and his teaming up with a crafty French cop to solve a murder that seems to be connected with a conspiracy to hide the secret of the Holy Grail. Along the way, they have to deal with the Vatican, the myth of the Priory of Sion, the Knights Templar and Opus Dei, a strict Christian sect. Continue reading

I Know Who Killed Me

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Release Date: July 27, 2007
Runtime: Too long
Rating: R
Studio: Sony
Director: Chris Sivertson (poor thing!)
Cast: Lindsay Lohan; Julia Ormond (wow…what a fall!); Neal McDonough; Brian Geraghty

This will be a short review because, honestly, this film is really just a huge piece of shit. I mean, you know it’s a problem when the best thing about the film is the fight that two theater patrons got in during the trailers regarding a cell phone. Continue reading

Mary Reilly

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Release Date: February 23, 1996
Runtime: 108 minutes (100 minutes too long)
Rating: R
Studio: TriStar Pictures (Sony)
Director: Stephen Frears
Cast: Julia Roberts; John Malkovich; Glenn Close; George Cole; Michael Sheen

I like Julia Roberts.  I really do.  I’ve been a fan ever since “Satisfaction.”  But please, Julia, for the love of God, don’t do period movies!!!  It’s not your strong suit.

This movie couldn’t be worse!  It’s boring, dreary, terribly miscast, and just plain bad.  Hardly worth my time to review it: just writing about it is making me angry.  It purports to tell the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde from the point of view of one of his scullery maids.  Not a bad idea, but woe to the execution!! Continue reading