Tag Archives: One Reel

Southland Tales

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Southland-Tales

 

Release Date: November 14, 2007
Runtime: 145 minutes
Rating: R
Studio: Samuel Goldwyn Films
Director: Richard Kelly
Cast: Dwayne Johnson; Sarah Michelle Gellar; Seann William Scott; Justin Timberlake; Nora Dunn; John Larroquette; Bai Ling; Mandy Moore; Jon Lovitz; Cheri Oteri…many others!

Whoa, is this one boondoggle of a movie! Sporting a cast and a scope that would make Cecil B. DeMille salivate, Richard Kelly’s follow up to his cult classic “Donnie Darko” is one of those not-too-distant futuristic commentaries, but it is so all over the place you almost need an org chart. Continue reading

R.I.P.D.

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RIPD

 

Release Date: July 19, 2013
Runtime: 96 minutes
Rating: PG-13
Studio: Universal Pictures
Director: Robert Schwentke
Cast: Jeff Bridges; Ryan Reynolds; Kevin Bacon; Mary-Louise Parker; Stephanie Szostak; Marisa Miller; James Hong

OMG this movie sucks. Basically, this is an attempt to reimagine the “Men In Black” franchise with new stars and new monsters. The story is essentially the same, but whatever it was that made the “MIB” movies work is fatally absent here. Continue reading

Graffiti Bridge

It’s Flashback Friday!

This Week’s Flashback Movie….

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Graffiti-Bridge

 

Release Date: November 2, 1990
Runtime: 95 minutes
Rating: PG-13
Studio: Warner Bros.
Director: Prince
Cast: Prince; Morris Day; Ingrid Chavez; Jerome Benton; Mavis Staples; Tevin Campbell

[SPOILERS]

Prince is an extremely talented guy. His music and his moves are hallmarks of the 1980s. “Graffiti Bridge,” his unofficial 1990 sequel to his seminal 1984 hit “Purple Rain,” will not dissuade anyone from thinking as much. His prowess as a filmmaker, however, is another story. Continue reading

Body of Evidence

It’s Flashback Friday!

This Week’s Flashback Movie….

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Body-of-Evidence

 

Release Date: January 15, 1993
Runtime: 99 minutes
Rating: R
Studio: MGM
Director: Uli Edel
Cast: Willem Dafoe; Madonna; Joe Mantegna; Anne Archer; Julianne Moore; Frank Langella; Jurgen Prochnow

Hoo-boy!!! This one’s a doozy! No one in this train wreck could possibly have thought that they were in a good movie. If they did, I have some waterfront property in Kansas to sell them.

In the wake of the success of “Basic Instinct” in the spring of 1992, the erotic thriller was a “hot” commodity. There was “Whispers in the Dark” in August of that year, “Guilty As Sin” in June of ’93, and William Friedkin’s “Jade” in 1995. Even “Basic Instinct” star Sharon Stone got back in the sack for “Sliver” in 1993. Most were lame excuses for big name stars to get naked. But none was more ridiculous than “Body of Evidence,” released in January (nuff said) of 1993. Starring Madonna and Willem Dafoe, this has to be one of the least intelligent movies ever put to celluloid. Continue reading

Inchon

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Inchon

 

Release Date: September 17, 1982
Runtime: 140 minutes
Rating: PG
Studio: MGM/UA
Director: Terence Young
Cast: Laurence Olivier; Ben Gazzara; Jacqueline Bisset; Richard Roundtree; Toshiro Mifune

Hooooo-boy!! This is the infamous 1981 money-loser, partly financed by the Unification Church and its founder, the Reverend Sun Myung Moon, which, to this day, continues to hold a place on ‘Most Expensive Box-Office Bombs’ lists. Pretty much everything that could go wrong on a movie shoot went wrong on this one: unusable footage, inclement weather, budget overruns, you name it. The only thing that emerges with its dignity intact from this waterlogged mess is Jacqueline Bisset’s cleavage. Continue reading

The Oscar

The-Oscar

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Release Date: March 4, 1966
Runtime: 119 minutes
Rating: N/A
Studio: Paramount
Director: Russell Rouse
Cast: Stephen Boyd; Milton Berle; Elke Sommer; Jill St. John; Tony Bennett; a slew of other Oscar winners/nominees

While watching this train wreck of a film, a number of questions occurred to me. The first came to me five minutes into the film: Why does the strip club owner almost immediately pull a knife on Frankie and Hymie when they ask for the remainder of their money owed to them? Doesn’t seem like the most productive, not to mention professional, way to do business. That scene pretty much set the tone of the picture: that everything would be over-the-top and have little or no connection to the real world. (Comparisons here to “Showgirls,” made about thirty years later: in the first five minutes of that pic, a hitchhiking Nomi (the lead nutjob) almost immediately pulls a switchblade on the guy who picks her up …all because he asked her her name!) Anyway, having realized what kind of movie this was doomed to be, I settled in to watch the rest. About 20 minutes in, another question occurred to me: Why is there this constant, almost nagging melodramatic music underscoring the entire film? Not just specific scenes that may justify it, but ALL THE SCENES!!! Someone gets up from a chair, the music swells; someone crosses a room, there’s the music again, incessant and irritating. And the music’s so cheesy you need a lactose pill to listen to it!! Continue reading