Tag: Turd

The Prince

    Release Date: August 22, 2014 Runtime: 93 minutes Rating: R Studio: Lionsgate Director: Brian A. Miller Cast: Jason Patric; Bruce Willis; John Cusack; Jessica Lowndes; Gia Mantegna; Rain; 50 Cent Do not be fooled into thinking this is a quality picture just because the names Jason Patric, Bruce Willis and John Cusack are

Hudson Hawk

    Release Date: May 24, 1991 Runtime: Interminable Rating: R Studio: TriStar Pictures (Sony) Director: Michael Lehmann Cast: Bruce Willis; Danny Aiello; Andie MacDowell; Richard E. Grant; Sandra Bernhard This movie has, in the 20-plus years since its release, become kind-of a punch line for jokes about Hollywood awful-ness….and deservedly so.  Ostensibly a crime caper,

Darkness

    Release Date: December 25, 2004 Runtime: 102 minutes Rating: R Studio: Dimension Films (Miramax) Director: Jaume Balaguero Cast: Anna Paquin; Lena Olin; Iain Glen; Giancarlo Giannini [SPOILER ALERT!] Oh boy, is this ever a mess of a movie.  Basically, the story of a young girl and her family who move into a creepy

Gigli

    Release Date: August 1, 2003 Runtime: 121 minutes Rating: R Studio: Columbia Pictures (Sony) Director: Martin Brest Cast: Ben Affleck; Jennifer Lopez; Justin Bartha; Missy Crider; Al Pacino; Christopher Walken I admit, I went to this film out of morbid curiosity; to see what all the bad buzz was about. Maybe I would

Christmas with the Kranks

    Release Date: November 24, 2004 Runtime: 99 minutes Rating: PG Studio: Columbia Pictures (Sony) Director: Joe Roth Cast: Tim Allen; Jamie Lee Curtis; Dan Aykroyd; Cheech Marin; Jake Busey This is a stunningly awful film.  I’ll admit, I came late, about 15-20 minutes, into this movie, but, quite honestly, I’m glad that I

I Know Who Killed Me

    Release Date: July 27, 2007 Runtime: Too long Rating: R Studio: Sony Director: Chris Sivertson (poor thing!) Cast: Lindsay Lohan; Julia Ormond (wow…what a fall!); Neal McDonough; Brian Geraghty This will be a short review because, honestly, this film is really just a huge piece of shit. I mean, you know it’s a

Mary Reilly

    Release Date: February 23, 1996 Runtime: 108 minutes (100 minutes too long) Rating: R Studio: TriStar Pictures (Sony) Director: Stephen Frears Cast: Julia Roberts; John Malkovich; Glenn Close; George Cole; Michael Sheen I like Julia Roberts.  I really do.  I’ve been a fan ever since “Satisfaction.”  But please, Julia, for the love of