Sheena

Release Date: August 17, 1984
Runtime: 117 minutes
Rating: PG
Studio: Columbia Pictures
Director: John Guillermin
Cast: Tanya Roberts; Ted Wass; Donovan Scott; Elizabeth of Toro; France Zobda; Trevor Thomas; Clifton Jones

Sheena was a valiant attempt to deliver the 1930’s comic book vine swinger – created as a female counterpart to Tarzan by Jerry Iger and Will Eisner¹ – to contemporary movie audiences. While the movie did not exactly deliver on its intention of introducing an exciting new superheroine action/adventure epic to the masses, there is plenty of for-the-wrong-reasons kind of fun to be had here.

In development since the 1970’s, Sheena (sans the qualifier “Queen of the Jungle”) finally, ahem, swung into theaters in August of 1984, the preeminent year, some may argue, of modern Hollywood motion pictures. After all, this was the year that delivered such masterpieces as the ill-advised Stallone-Parton pairing, Rhinestone, the Rick Springfield starrer, Hard to Hold, and the break dancing classic, Breakin,’ not to mention the vastly inferior superheroine pic, Supergirl.² Much like the makers of the campy Flash Gordon, another comic book adaptation released a few years prior in 1980, the creative team behind Sheena attempted to honor the comic book origins of the material in the film’s style and tone, rather than to try and anchor the film in too much of a reality, which seems to be the trend nowadays. Theoretically, this was the right approach because, come on, how seriously can you actually take this stuff???

Unfortunately for everyone involved, from actors to screenwriters right down the line, the answer is very seriously. The movie’s fatal flaw as I saw it, was that everyone involved approached the material with a deadly seriousness that the story simply could not support. Even the minor comic relief (in the form of Donovan Scott’s schlumpy videographer), didn’t detract from the major comic relief of the primary storyline! And it was precisely that disconnect, my movie-loving friends, which produced cinematic gold for you and me!!

Former Charlie’s Angels one-seasoner, Tanya Roberts, fresh off her co-starring role in the Conan-ish epic, The Beastmaster, snagged the title role, and there’s no question she looked the part. Roberts brandished a muscular, athletic physique that easily swung from tree to tree and moved like a gazelle over the land, whilst her long, golden hair sashayed tenderly behind her in the wind. (Interestingly, for a PG-rated movie, Roberts selflessly displayed said physique in several titillating nude scenes. Just sayin’.) In a nice role reversal that’s about two decades ahead of its time, future Blossom director Ted Wass portrayed Sheena’s love interest, Vic Casey, a nondescript television news reporter tasked with interviewing King Jabalani (Clifton Jones) of the (fictional) African nation of Tigora. The King’s brother, Prince Otwani (Trevor Thomas), is conveniently an old college soccer teammate of Vic’s (hey, why not?).

It’s unnecessary to go into too much more plot. Suffice it to say that jungle pinup Sheena, assisted/hindered by Vic, made use of her powers of animal magnetism and wilderness savvy to try to thwart the bad guys who threatened to take over her tribe’s land. Guess who won?

The lunacy began right off the bat, as little Sheena (as a young girl, she’s known as Janet), having accompanied her anthropologist parents on a research mission to Africa, crawled out of her tent to follow Mom and Dad to work and in the process, essentially brought about her parents’ crushing deaths in a cave! With a look on her face like she made a poopie in her pants, she got scooped up by the village Shaman (Elizabeth of Toro), who went on to explain (really for the benefit of the audience) that Janet fulfilled an ancient prophecy and had been sent to rescue the Zambouli tribe from future danger. So, a blonde, blue-eyed white girl comes to the rescue of a group of black tribespeople who have persevered for years and will lead them out of harm’s way. Hmmm….

It just got more enjoyably unbelievable from there.

I just felt so badly for poor Tanya Roberts. As is often the case with big-budget movies intending to catapult an actor or actress onto the A-list (I’m looking at you, Showgirls), you could almost read the words “this is my big break” sprawled across her tanned forehead. But I must give it to her; she tried. Roberts almost sold the idea that she could have, indeed, been a jungle princess. Unfortunately, two major hurdles stood in her way: a limited acting range in which the expression of emotion, any emotion, was conveyed through the furrowing of the brow, and more egregiously, a woefully, hilariously inept script credited to David Newman and schlockmeister Lorenzo Semple, Jr. (King Kong, Flash Gordon).

Let’s pause and talk about this script for a minute: this doozy was the most lunkheaded, amateurish thing to have come out of a typewriter since, I don’t know, Reefer Madness. It is simply mind-boggling to me that this script (presumably) went through a first draft, a second draft, possible subsequent drafts, rewrites, a polish and THIS is the version that finally got the green light??? This version, which contained such notable quotables as:

Vic: “Your hair smells fantastic. What do you wash it with?”
Sheena: “Zam zam berries. What else would a woman use?”

or;

Vic: “You make me wanna cry.”
Sheena: “For what?”
Vic: “Just everything.”

or this gem;

Sheena: “What are you telling me, Vic Casey?”
Vic: “How much I love you, Sheena. So much it busts my heart.”

I wish I had made this up. Actually, I don’t.

In my estimation, introducing a female version of Tarzan was a fantastic concept, particularly sourced from a property with such a protracted history (Sheena in comic book form pre-dated Wonder Woman by about 3 years, having first appeared in Jungle Comics #1 in September 1938.³ (Wonder Woman’s first appearance occurred in All-Star Comics Issue #8 in December 1941.⁴) Additionally, Sheena was the first female comic book character to headline her own comic in spring 1942, with Wonder Woman’s solo outing premiering in the summer of that year.⁵ However, the lethargic, though undoubtedly sincere, treatment she was given here does not do the legacy of the comic nor the character adequate justice.

Given the understanding that special effects were not as polished as they are today and CGI didn’t exist in 1984, as well as the tribulations of filming on location in Kenya, the filmmakers did the best they could have from a technical standpoint. The film used lots of real animals, including elephants, rhinos, flamingos, monkeys, zebras…well, horses painted with stripes to look like zebras. Some of the compositions were lovely, such as the opening and closing crawls which followed Sheena majestically riding her mighty steed, umm, zebra, Marika, across the plains and one sequence towards the climax of the film when Sheena used her jungle whispering skills to summon a flock of birds to intercept an attempt on her life by nefarious Countess Zanda (France Zobda). [Sidebar: someone needs to create a drag persona of Countess Zanda, now!!]

Having accepted all of its loopiness, which the 1980’s aesthetic certainly heightened, I couldn’t help but feel affection for Sheena. I mean, it was all performed with such earnestness that I wanted to just jump right into the frame, give the cast a big hug, and tell them, “Well, the movie sucked, but bless your heart for trying!”

To conclude, this movie had it all: exotic locations, cheesy Vangelis-like musical score, Tanya Roberts swinging half-naked from a vine! What more could a person want in their entertainment???

Footnotes

1. Sheena – Comic Vine Accessed: 6/9/2018.
2. Top-US-Grossing Feature Films Released 1984-01-01 to 1984-12-31 – IMDb Accessed: 6/4/2018.
3. Jumbo Comics #1 – Comic Vine Accessed: 6/9/2018.
4. All-Star Comics #8 – Comic Vine Accessed: 6/9/2018.
5. Sheena – Comic Vine Accessed: 6/9/2018.